Dec. 18, 2011: Feelings of a new mom

How do I feel... it's hard to put it into words.  I think that if our homes are temples, then being a stay-at-home mom is like being a temple worker.  I find holiness in feeding him and putting him to sleep and changing him and singing to him.  As my body heals, I think, too, that the price my body has paid to bring him here was worth it.  So worth it.  I understand now why people have more than one child.  :)  I really do.  The feeling I have when I look at Windham is hard to describe.  Wonder and love and... I don't know.  He's perfect, Xiomara.  He hasn't sinned.  He can't sin.  To have such a pure, clean, perfect spirit in our home is a blessing I can't describe and don't fully understand.

So, to answer your question, I'm not freaking out about being a mom.  I know I am a good mom and will be a good mom.  Mario is an amazing dad, too.  I can't wait for you to see it.  He's SO patient with Windham!  That's how I know he loves him more than anything in this world.  The only thing I am worrying about is how I'm going to do this by myself when Mario goes back to work.  Right now we take turns.  If I've been up feeding and changing Windham, and it's the middle of the night, and I'm really tired and Windham just keeps crying and won't fall asleep, I wake up Mario and he takes Windham.  If I'm sleeping or showering or eating and Windham needs to be changed, Mario takes care of it.  It's going to be really hard to do it all by myself plus start to do things like cook and clean.  I'm worried I'll feel very alone.  Plus I can talk to Mario.  I can say, "Look how cute he is!" Or, "I can't believe he just peed on me!"  You know, share the experience.  (Prince isn't quite as sympathetic as Mario is.)

Thank you for your prayers.  I need them.  Especially in the middle of the night when I'm tired and Windham is crying and I don't know how to calm him.  Mario and I are getting better at it, but it's still hard.  Hard, but worth it.  :)

Can't wait for you to meet him.  I know he'll love you instantaneously.  No picture in the crib necessary.  Keep up the great work, Hermana!  See you in 10!